Beyond Herself:: what lead to suicide..

Sharon screamed as she shut the door and locked herself up in in the attic. She screamed louder and slipped of the wall , dropped to the floor and yelled. she yelled louder as warm tears rolled down her cheeks and she wondered why this was happening to her. she wondered what she had ever done to deserve this? amidst the tears and the sweat she repeated that silent prayer, those oft repeated yet seldom heard, words. she had to get away.she stopped yelling, but she let the tears roll. she needed to let it out. let it out for once and then say goodbye. goodbye to all the fear, the anxiety, the trauma, the holding back.. she needed to let it out and live!live in bliss with that, that was most dear to her- pain.

She got up from the floor, walked up to the old trunk n opened the last drawer, all at once her mind cringed with doubt, but she blocked all such thoughts and amidst those tears n that sweat she looked for her get-away. she messed around the drawer and dug deeper to find what she was loooking for. aahhhh!1 finally!after holding on for so long. she was finaly going to let go of al that negativity tht had been aching her for almost ages now. she tore open the packet and slipped some pills into her hand. the tears rolled down her cheek onto her palm and wet the pills. she rubbed them against her palm and curled her fingers around them.

she opened the latch, led her way down the stairs. her feet skid twice but she managed not to slip. she went through her bedroom into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water.
she wasnt thinking, she was escaping, she knew it. but did it really matter? she blocked all those doubts, all that uncertainity that seemed to crop up from nowhere, just outa the blue. yes, she was getting away. she was letting go of the negativity. she popped the pills into her mouth and drank the entire bottle of water.
yess she was getting away. she let another tear roll down her cheek down to her clothing ,it was going to b her last after all..... she breathed.. she sighed.. she shed those silent tears.. as she slippd away... slipped away into the pain.the pain beyond all pleasure. she collapsed on the floor as she waited for the pain to take over her senses and show her how to live.

~riddhi~
May18,2006