Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Don't look at me the way you do,
I fear I'd tell you all.
Don't smile that smile
And tell me what's true
I like the safety of my wall.

Don't hold me tight
and let me be
I still fear I'll fall.
Don't hold my hand
or let it go,
Trust is still a distant call.

Don't leave it unsaid
because I can still hear it all
Don't be so far when still so close
For my doubts stand very tall.

Don't always know what I'll say
or what I'll do
Because you don't know me well at all.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Another Blog.

I'm trying something different.
Something that may or may not be more productive than this one.

This blog very much remains. Of Course.

The Other one is impersonal and the kind I'd like to 'brand' as someone put it today. ;)


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

On a day like today

I have been unfair to this page. In all certainty  and absolute shame, I have been mean and why my dramatic self would say even ruthless to this page.
I only blog when I am sad or the closest I get to it. Period.
By no means does this post imply that thins are about to change. But this post is up to break the monotony, because that is a phenomenon I refuse to associate myself or my life with.
So here I am writing, on a day like today.

On a day like today, when I was engrossed in work and numbers and excel sheets were all that I could think of. On a day like today when it rained. It rained and I smiled.
On a day like today, when I got back home at a decent hour (comparative basis of course) and did nothing productive at home.
On a day like today, when I had no extraordinary thoughts, no striking realizations, no painful memories; just a few regular laughs and the usual insanity.

A day like today, that is nothing exceptional. Just what they call 'normal'.

But a day like today that feels good. A day that is no associated with any earth shattering difference or sudden bliss.

On a day like today, I just feel calm. And calm is good. Very.

So here's to the other side of life that I kept hidden from my own page, The side of my life that's just regular.


Sunday, July 11, 2010

Spring Cleaning!

It's not exactly spring-time, not even to the most optimistic souls who would perceive living in this oven a way of experiencing 'sunshine' and the 'pretty' things that come with.
But it's cleaning time. THAT it is. Thanks to a the entire physical space of my house being repainted/whitewashed/ other things I don't know how to name, I have had to re-arrange all my things. And, I mean ALL.
There is a lot left to do. I wouldn't call this the real 'cleaning', but thought i'd post  little something anyway.

I had all my stuff around on the floor and thats when it hit me, how I save the strangest things. I refuse to part with my college books. Reasons being many. I regret not having all of them and it's not like i used them too much in college, but there is so much economics inside them. I just can't give them away. So there lies that pile reminding me, I have a subject to get back to and theories to some day, uncover.

After more than a month, I finally opened the carton containing my well, almost recent life inside it. Out came notebooks, projects and sheets of paper filled with absolutely unnecessary content that have flown all the way from Bombay to Dilli- with me (and some with my father, because I had way too much luggage). As I opened my notebooks, I could see that movie flash before me- the kind they all talk about. Honestly, I did not have the courage to go through those notebooks. I am afraid every page has  memory with it. You know the thing is, I will never part with these because this is knowledge. But, my reasons for attachment go far beyond that in this particular case. Every little page has a memory of the other things we did during class. The day I really open those books, I'll put up a LONG post here. I know it. But not now. Not tonight. Now is not the time to go through that carton in entirety. Now is the time to hold myself together and move on. So there lies a collection of sheets reminding me that once upon a time I had to run away in order to stop running away.

Out of some hidden corner of my house, came my little box of letters. Just when I was about to open this, I discovered yet another box of letters ans my packet full of cards. Considering I did not have the courage to go through my notebooks of last year, these letters seemed like herculean task, to say the very least. I still went ahead and read one though. You know what I asked myself? What are the bloody odds! This letter happened to be from the only person I would have wanted to carry with me from my school in New Delhi. A letter summing up 6 years of a friendship that was my school life. 6 years of a friendship that ended and how. You know what sucks? It still hurts. So there is one packet, 2 boxes and a little slam book reminding me of the person I used to be.

My biggest learning? Don't save stuff if you will not go back to it later. If you do however go back to it, try being happy for once. If you are someone who associates the very word 'memory' to pain and a certain sense of morbidness that you will later pass onto your blog, then just bloody avoid accumulating so many of them.

Oh and there's one more thing, being emotionally cautious and guarded is not a recent phenomenon for me, it turns out. Infact, I used to be worse, or I've learnt to hide it better. Its uncanny, how the most important relationships in my life end the same way. Well almost. They don't really end, but they never stay the same. I hate it when that happens. I wouldn't tell you but I do.

Right, there's one last thing- Weekends in this city give people a lot of time to think. Not good. Not good at all for me.