Saturday, December 15, 2007


Dont let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out, reconsider.
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance....
~Lee Ann Womack ( I hope you dance) ~

Monday, December 10, 2007


When I look into your eyes,
I can see a love restrained.
And darlin when I hold you,
Dont you know I feel the same?
~Guns n Roses ( NOvember Rain)~

Friday, December 7, 2007

Someday I Will...

Someday I Will...
Laugh without it hurting inside
Sing like a dream
Forgive you, even though you lied.
Go atop a mountain and scream.

Someday I Will...
Cry and let it all out.
Smile wide, right upto my eyes.
Trust, devoid of doubt.
Love someone very wise.

Someday I Will...
Forgive and forget
Get rid of memories that hurt
Sleep on grass, wet.
Make him realize my worth.

Someday I will...
Pour my heart out to you and cry.
Stop taking people for granted.

Someday I will...
Let myself go.
Hold onto you so tight, you couldnt leave
Let all my emotions show
To those emotions, a humour weive

Someday I will...
Live like their aint no tomorow!
Laugh fully,
Love wholly!
Stop being taken for granted.

Someday I will...
Dance on the terrace,
Do salsa
Be kissed on the beach.
Wake up with a hangover.

Someday I will...
Cause a stir,
Make a change
Disappear into a timeshell.


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

~bittersweet::school diaries~

I cant help a stinging pain that arises from some corner of the center of me everytime someone mentions 'school'. Its been over a year, 21 months, to be precise since i went to school. Well as that very famous and often misused line goes 'Some wounds never Heal' .
I wouldnt ever be able to define my school life or state its inclination. I really do now know if it was inclined towards the happy side or the forgettable side.

I wasted very many hours, days, years of my school life on the wrong people, wrong decisions,..oh yes! I did waste a lot of my kind, thought, energy on worthless things, people, circumstances. This write up has been long overdue..maybe that pain inside is the reason for the delay.
So how would Riddhi Kapoor sum up her school life?
~"Theatricals Society" (and i smile)
~wrong people
~implulsive decisions
~not following intution
~repenting not following intution
~ECA(and i smile yet again)
~an estranged best buddy
~broken trust
~trust again
~broken trust again
~harmless crushes ;)
~physics trauma
~Sr. Nirmalini (read my principal...and that makes me smile really big)
~bunking classes
~not being myself
~dancing in the rain :)
~exam phobia
~teachers: they came in all categories~
~an empty heart
~a burdened mind
~bloodshot tears
~cutting my hand
~attempt to suicide
~being the one who just never 'fit-in'
~searching for something
~wondering what am searching for

I have come a long way since then.. grown..become so much more self aware.. learnt the rules of the game.and then learnt to make my own rules and follow them... found what i was looking for... found myself... i have come to terms with myself. starting loving peace with myself .. maybe coz am finally being "me".

But what remains inspite of me hating the fact is the way i 'trust' people. There are very few people am close to. But maybe i trust too wholly and thats why i always get hurt. The saddest part is, everytime i fall i promise myself i will not trust so much again. But this is one promise I neevr keep upto.

Now, at a time where i have been hurt by every person i trusted, I feel a sense of timelessness within me. Am hanging somewhere. Am content. Am at peace. But am hanging somewhere. Simply, because right now there really is noone i trust.



' ab kehna aur kya...jab tune keh diya alvida'
~alvida- lousy movie called life in a metro or something

'Its all the mind':: Theory by moi

"Self- Obsession" is my biggest vice and that's reason enough to justify the nature of my blog and the infinite mention of "me" in my blog. Everybody tells me I "think too much" , at times "way too much"....out of the everybody... there are 2 people's whose conversations stay with me.
  • "You think too much. Convert your thoughts to actions. Write a "DO" behind your computer and u will be much happier"
  • " think too times Way too much, but then that's just "YOU". Minus your thoughts, their wouldn't be a "YOU". Your Too much thinking is what defines you."

Strangely or not so strangely, these are contradictory opinions. But i hold both equally true. The first is the opinion of a person who believes in action, who believes in implementing, achieving.The second comes from a person who understands my kind of people. Maybe because she belongs to that category herself. Understands why and how some brains are born to analyze, dissect and get into the intricacies of things!

U see, that's just the category i belong to. I believe my biggest strength is my mind and more often than not, it is your biggest strength that works as your biggest weakness. I do not know if i owe this to my Zodiac or my genes of well just the "category" of the human race i belong to, but what i do know is that it comes naturally to me. In fact, it oft is subconscious. I am very perceptive and the second stage to my perception is analysis. However, it is when people take this analysis to being 'judgemental' that things go hay wire. Each person is allowed the sanity of his thoughts. Each person is permitted the freedom of his perception. But it is indeed the sound of these thoughts n perceptions that become opinions and opinions are just always contradicted.

So what I have realized, or rather my theory of "its all in the mind" states that it should all be in the mind. Elaborating on what I already mentioned. Perceptions imply thoughts. Thoughts imply voicing out of thoughts. Voicing out of thoughts of person is equivalent to 'opinions' for the other person. 'Opinion' imply a 'Contradictory opinion'. And then Hell brakes loose. because they may be an example at a micro level but at the macro level when you apply this very theory to nations, communities, jihads, wars, curfews, states, labour unions and the likes, I will be proved nothing but true.

Now taking this introspection to a deeper and more individual level. Lets consider the alternate model. This model tries to avoid 'hell from breaking loose' and the following are the sequence of events in this case: perceive, think, don't voice out, no opinions, no contradictions, no hell. Now what will happen in this scenario is: perceive, think, because cant voice out, more thinking, jam in the brain. Basically, if i perceive and build my thoughts but do not voice them out, I will think more and beyond the point of sane thinking,I shall face the very tragic and maddening 'brain jam' because if i don't share my thoughts, i restrict myself, and theres a clog in my brain. Hence it becomes necessary to change my thoughts to opinions by voicing them out so i can get more perspectives on them that will evolve them instead of restricting them.

However, it is the micro that leads to macro.

And so my theory has no profound conclusion as yet. It has many loose ends. Almost zero factual errors. But it is indeed subject to subjectivity. What also stands against my theory is the the confusion within me which stems from nothing but my self contradictory, questioning, overtly analytical nature.

And as this theory was forming a clog in my brain, I thought i might voice it out and share it, maybe outsider perspective on it mgiht sought out that clog.


1) My language has deteriorated horribly, drastically. Am aghast, shocked (and all other words of all other languages that imply the same meaning) at myself. I NEED to read a good book!

2) Economics hons has deeply affected my brain as can be seen by my choice of words and style of writing.

3) I do think a lot.