Baba Ramdev would agree with me when he is done breathing like he's giving birth to a goat's baby. No, seriously, I bet you'll print this out and put it up on your silly excuse for notice board right next to that profound quote you copied off some witty quotes site by an author whose book you have probably never had the courage to read.
So, here goes:
- Your baggage is YOUR own. Literally and metaphorically. If you cannot carry that overweight suitcase you have filled with stuff you really don't need, it is your problem alone. Take the clutter out of the bag and carry around the new light weighted bad with pride or just buy a stroller that you can slide around. So, if there are issues and baggage bogging your self esteem and sense of self down, shed it and move on. If you place it on someone else's shoulders for break, remember it is only a temporary arrangement. The baggage will come back and this time only seem heavier, because by now you would be used to no weight on your shoulders, remember?
- When in doubt, smile. Works. Everytime. Don't think of something witty to say or try and remember to that which you did not listen to in the first place. Just widen those jaw muscles into a polite smile and a slight tilt of the head. The maximum you lose is that the other person might believe you to be silly. But hey, if you weren't that, you wouldn't be in doubt in the first place, honey.
- Make up creative abuses. It's fun, really. You do not even have to use words that would be 'beeped' off shady reality shows. Just your regular animals and witches and all that jazz. Firstly, the person you abuse will be too taken aback by the new words being used to address him, so he would barely react to the fact the fact that he is actually being abused. Secondly, you can go to sleep at night priding yourself of a great sense of humour, finally. It would be a great feeling to see three people laugh at something you said, because you could not come up with something better. Seriously, try it.
- When others think they have cracked a joke, laugh. Firstly because it is ridiculous to not like lame jokes. Cmon, they are the most obvious form of humour, are actually carefully witty and if you don't laugh at them you just have a stick shoved up your backside. Secondly, even if the level of humour being indulged in is too low for your self proclaimed refined taste, for your own sake, laugh, lest the joke 'cracker' decides to start explaining the joke to the 'crackees' thinking the reason for their silence is lack of comprehension.
- When making rules, do not make the fifth rule "Follow the above four". Grow up. Just because you cannot come up with the fifth golden rule does not imply you show it in so obvious a manner. So make all 5 rules. Just like I did. Do I see you raise that eyebrow, now? Don't give me your sarcasm, child, it's not in my rulebook to scorn back, but I can make exceptions now can't I?
Follow these simple rules religiously, why just like you religiously bribed every God the imagination of mankind has ever created before your twelfth standard board exam and I promise, nirvana will be your thing baby! That or I would have succeeded in bull-shitting across a new medium.