Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Because it's Christmas

You know that part in "Love Actually" where he says everything he wants to (even though he knows he would never be with her) just because it's Christmas?
I'd like to do that here. 

So things I should/want to/ been wanting to say but never really will. But just because it's Christmas and maybe it's time to try to let go, here goes:
  • I am choked and suffocated at times and can get really nasty about it, but it's still the only 'home' I've ever known. And in all likelihood, nothing will ever come close to it. The heart really is with this home. :)
  • I've been horribly hurt in the past few years and every time, I have told myself this was the last time and then proved myself wrong. But a part of me still believes that it's only as big  a deal as you make it and it's only as bad a wound as decide it to be. 
  • Sometimes I really don't mean it when I smile. 
  • I try to forgive but I just can never darn forget. 
  • I know I deny it but I can in fact be horribly diplomatic. 
  • Rebellion is the only way of living I have ever known and executed with almost immaculate perfection. 
  • Most of the poetic sorts stuff on this blog has been written in exactly ten minutes and published raw, without any editing. And this happens only at night. 
  • I do not know what love is. It's as much of a grey area in my life as anything else. But I do accept that I think about it and have this strange little voice inside me somewhere that says I may have been in it but controlled myself in time. But that voice is not convinced enough to be certain. 
  • When  I read this blog during the day time or a time am not writing, I actually wonder how I wrote it. Reactions vary from "Wow, I can write stuff like that." to "Woah. How much of depressing stuff can one produce in a night?" to"Whoa! I wrote THAT *twitching of nose*" 
  • I do walk away from people and cut them off. But usually, am more hurt in the bargain. 
  • I can be horribly horribly stubborn.
  • For as confused, lost and freedom loving as I might be, I like my ducks in a row. But of course, MY kind of row. ;)
  • At times, I really do believe I am not meant to be in a relationship and dying single is pretty much my calling.
  • I have a parallel universe and often get lost in my own world, if you may call it that but I live in no bubble and am as earthed to reality as another. I just don't like to show it and reality is too boring anyway. 
  • I am almost always late to work and I HATE it. I do.
  • I still love rajma chawal and masala dosa. 
  • I HATE waking up in the morning. In fact every morning I really do not have anything to look forward to. I hate them mornings and my sleep is more important to me than anyone or anything else. True story, this. 
  • For as much as I talk, I often don't say what I really want to. 
  • You'll always know exactly how I feel not by what I say, but by the look on my face. Truth or Lies. 
Just because it's Christmas, will you remember to smile too?
Just because it's Christmas, will you take a step ahead and move on too?


P.S: As corny and stupid and cheesy that movie might be, I am extremely fond of it.
P.P.S.: Why Christmas? Because I never thought of this post on any other occasion. Atleast I did not wait till New Year's ;)

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