So, my dear readers (I am sure I can count that number on my left hand, but am victim of hope), I have been getting a lot of responses to my sudden outpour of activity on this page and while most of you oblige me by complementing my writing skills (which am sure is diplomacy considering this is more scribbling than writing and no, am not being modest, I really do not think very highly of my scribbling skills), you have also asked me if all is okay in my world.
So, for the record, I really am fine. I know ninety nine percent of my posts have a morbid undertone to them and some are even far from subtlety, they are in-your-face dark. The truth is, I write continuously, in an uninterrupted flow of thought. A lot of what I write is pure imagination, fiction, if you want to call it that. Some of it certainly stems from real experiences and then there are parts that reflect others' experience, not mine. I never did expect a common reaction from almost a lot of people I know to be on the lines of finding me a shrink.
Just a few pointers that elaborate the current phase in my life and how/why I blog:
- Work. Work. Work. there has been a LOT of that. It dies down sometimes, for a week in between, but that's a short lull before the storm. I am certain I am not indispensable to my organization or that they cannot function in my absence. Heck, am sure I do not contribute at all to that large pot of money the owner of this capitalist enterprise sits on. But theres just been a lot of work, weekends in office, work on the mind, launches, projects, confusion et all.
- The life outside of office has been relatively dull lately. I am in a sort of self imposed social exile. Reasons aplenty and pretty details, might I add. But in short, I am doing a lot of thinking, I am saving myself up for a trip (Yay!) and I really did need a break from being the 'social butterfly' as one would put it. No, seriously, I am liking the comfort of my bed and super soft blankets and yummy home food for a bit.
- So all of this leaves me with blogging as a relief. Also, am pushing myself here, to break away to write stuff different. There are two reasons I blog (write). Firstly, its my constant source of relief, the best outlet to my expressions and the only one I can trust enough, to be honest. Secondly, I really want to retire as a writer and all this while am trying to figure out if I really can write stuff that is publish-worthy someday. I am questioning my ability to actually write poetry and just pushing myself left, right and center.
So all's good in my world, guys. Well at least as good enough. Currently, the mood swings are being a bitch again. My temper is all over the place, really! There are so many different layers of thought and each one is running its own course.
A need, a fight
A droplet of desire,
Eyes shining bright.
Adios then! I better get back to fighting with my sleep to write another depressing, dark and unnecessarily heavy piece on painful memories, having loved and lost, shadows and secrets, lingering sadness and intentional denial as if sorrow is the only emotion I have ever known.