The problem with always wanting to excel really is nothing but the execution part of it. I am not competitive, well with other I mean. It is this constant competition with the self- to grow, to evolve, to learn, unlearn and excel- always.
Sometimes, in fact going by recent happenings, a LOT of times, it just puts so much pressure on the self, you know? Pressure is really not difficult to deal with, if it comes from a source but oneself. But, when you are pretty much the prime reason for all the pressure on you, it just well, sucks ( Ten minutes later, when I refresh my blog and read this post, I am going to curse myself under my breath for using this word on what I like to believe is so profound, a page).
I just have to excel. I am not saying win, because it's never about winning so someone else loses for me. It's just about excelling- immersing myself to the T, giving it my best shot and then smiling and quickly moving onto my next project.
But I don't seem to recollect how I did that anymore. I was always a multi-tasker right? Procrastinator, do i hear you say? Why, yes of course- but still an ideator and still an executioner.
Lately, however, everything seems to be just another source of burden. No, I am not morbid and depressed and abstract these days (as you can guess by the tone of the post), but stressed? Yes, indeed. It's almost as if I never knew what stress was before.
Suddenly, I feel the need to take care of my health, to exercise or simply, to run away. There is a part of me that wants to take refuge under the warm blankets on my bed, eat a lot of pizza and watch mindless television. But there is the other part, that wants to start exercising everyday, eat the healthiest of food and travel- a LOT. The latter part envisions clear fields and blue skies and running across all that jazz with arms wide open et all.
So while am torn between a newfound extremity of laziness and the boiling urge to just breakfree, what is it that I really choose to do? Oh yes, you got that one right, I open blogger and decide to write about my dilemma.
Please keep the smirk to yourself, I am very productive, if you may.
I just, well need to buy some more time.
Also, I think this page is going to be victim of a lot of sarcasm for a while, I need to vent. No, really I do.
So that's the end of yet another post devoid of any purpose or intellect whatsoever.