Thursday, August 11, 2011

When you work for a fashion magazine?

Disclaimer: These profound observations may have been a consequence of personal experience. However, let's let my profession, workplace, 'does she really work there?' kind of queries rot in ambiguity. Refrain from mentioning any names or whatever it is you do know about my personal life, as comments to this post, lest of course, you want this space to be deleted and your favourite blogger (yeah, that's what I say to myself every night in front of the mirror) be mercilessly thrown behind bars (the kind that don't have karaoke equipment). 

I usually avoid specifics and beat around the factual bushes to spin a cobweb of stories seemingly based entirely on the dramatics of my imagination, but the current environment calls for specifics, heck it does. So you learn many things, when you work for a fashion magazine- things you may not learn anywhere else:

  1. You become partially ambidextrous. Why 'partially'? Because you can now apply nail paint even with your left hand. However, when it comes to carrying files and other important 'documentation', both hands fail and that heap of files/loose sheets will always be dropped at a place where you're visible to the entire office. 
  2. Women bitch. What's new, you ask me? Well, women mostly bitch about how bitchy the other women are. It's a vicious circle of a magnitude greater than Indian Poverty. Women love to bitch about the women who bitch. The word 'bitchy' when used in reference to someone else is always a weapon of insult but when used with reference to oneself is a matter of great pride. When a woman calls herself bitchy, the word implies bravery, wisdom, victory and a sense of having learnt to deal with the world and it's hurtful ways. 
  3. You might have spent your life biting your nails and taking digs at frivolous conversations on manicures, but when you work at a fashion magazine you will start to worry about chipped nailpaint. It's inevitable. Almost as inevitable as gravity itself. When you're reviewing rather fastidiously an excel sheet that does not make any sense, your eyes will suddenly be blinded by the chipped nailpaint that you proudly walk around with. In a moment like this one, you're bound to start worrying about how long you've been wearing the same nail colour, when you will get time to change it and why the heck you don't keep the filer in your office drawer. 
  4. "Late Nights" are a valid excuse to be late the next morning: I am not joking. When you're late to work and are thinking of creative new excuses to cover up for your sleepy-headedness, a glance through the other entries for late-coming will certainly amuse you. "late night" in this world is a perfectly valid reason to come late the next morning!
  5. How fashion forward you are is determined by the depth of your accent. An accented version of the English language is a must in this place. You may have never seen any other country apart from India except for pictures on the internet, but thou shall definitely sport a non-Indian accent. It does not matter if the nasal voice and decibel level that accompanies the accent makes you audible only to the dogs (and wolves, maybe?), thou shall still have the accent. 
  6. Alu Cheese sandwich is frowned up but blueberry cheese cake and super-chocolate cupcakes aren't. When you eat an alu cheese sandwich or extra butter dosa, you're reminded of how sugar on the lips adds to the hips and how you may not be able to afford any such additions, but cupcakes and cheesecakes are just fine- they're all yummy and don't make you fat. 
  7. The eyes do nothing more perfectly than condescend: The eyes are supposed to be super-expressive, right? It's said that the eyes usually give away what's unsaid. Well, those were the words of the blue sky-staring poor poets on the road who dream of a house on the rainbow. I'll tell you the real thing. The eyes can be an instrument of supreme insult when there is need and when there is absolutely no need. When they roll up or size you up in a second or tilt slightly south-westward in order to express paramount disdain towards you, you'd shudder in fright and want to rush to a mirror to see what skin disease it is that has taken over you. 
  8. The interns wear the most make up. It's a fact. But, cut them some slack. They are under supreme pressure to 'look the part'. So what if their job role entails handing out print outs to their seniors? They can atleast look the part right. So bring in layers of foundation, alien-ish eye shadows and really dark lipsticks (yes, lipsticks, not lip glosses). Also, to add to the effect, they will pioneer some chunky, sparkly, strange jewellery and walk around with pride about being the change agents of the fashion industry. 
  9. When you're told you don't need to be very dressed up, do not take it seriously. Or at least listen to the whole bit. A statement like that is usually followed by 'You could just carry a nice bag and wear nice shoes with a nice top'. Nope, don't sigh with relief just yet. You'll know what this really means when you hear the last line. "Like I plan to just carry that Chanel bag of mine and those jade Jimmy Choos i bought along with the classic lbd. But oh yeah, i guess I'll do a bit of make up for what it's worth." 
  10. You're going to learn new words/phrases everyday. Sample these- Boyfriend Jacket, Ruby Woo, spring-summer, fall-winter, pre-fall, 'fashion for a cause'
  11. You get enough time to update your blog :) 
I hope this post is read before it is instructed to be deleted. 

"That was lovely, ladies"



Vishwanath Nair said...

And to think I was offered a job in a fashion magazine once!

Sneha said...

very insightful

Riddhi said...

@Vishy- Haha. LIAR!

@Chopra- Thanks :)

~ a said...

OMG! This is exactly the kind of humor that makes my day. I tell you woman, this is why people become writers from this industry. You found time to write a blog, next in line is a book and I'm waiting in queue to get a signed copy! :)

Toodles to you too! :P

Sneha said...

and yet you continue with the drudgery ...admit it - the chiped nails are fascinating ;) !!

Priyanka said...

Hahaha, I'm glad this got spicy-picked.

LOL, you made my entire weekend:D It's written so well that you almost fail to see the sarcasm:P

Boyfriend Jacket? Really? Like, REALLY?

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