Not so numb

It strikes again.

That feeling you get before you hit rock bottom.

Its a funny phrase isnt it- 'rock bottom'?

You think you have hit it only to realize there is a new low out there for you to hit again.

But am getting that feeling, the one i get before i hit the first rock bottom.

Its not the best feeling to live with.

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Confusion galore. Too much of it. I hate the fact that confusion is a good adjective to define my life. I hate it, but i cannot deny it.

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Current State of Mind-

Annoyed, homesick, deprived of personal space, lonely (and actually admitting it- thats something), people- too many of them and yet no one, irritated and irritable (easily), too much to do and nothing that i wish to.

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Current Attitude-

Irritable, witty, silly, loud (not the things i really should be loud about though), laughy (for no apparent reason), procastinating (until i really wouldnt have an option but to do), weirded out.

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The city is just rushing past me. Maybe i need to go for a walk. Alone.

I like this city, I know its more than a year for me over here. But its lonely and not in an alone way. In a way where you feel deprived of your personal space. I need that alone walk. Music, trees and me. For once just me. And the smell of the sea. Ah water! Ikky wikky bikki. blah!

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And of course, the hurt again. Yet another memory I want to erase from my life. Cut myself off again. Now its all just funny. I think its what i want in life. how do I land up in such situations againa and again and again? trust issues it is. I am feeling that feeling again - having people who demand a lot of me, sometimes all of me, only to leave me with nothing, not even warmth.

I want something back- only I do not know what it is.

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*Afterthought-

Such a morbid post! speaks sadness all through!

All this when I would actually describe myself as happy.

I miss simplicity. I really do.

Brevity Etc.

And suddenly I stare at this page and want to write more in it. But I never quite get past clicking 'new post'. Because suddenly, i feel all sorted out or maybe not even sorted enough to be able to write anything. I do not know.

Objectivity has set in again. Only this time I like it. I still feel those things within me, that I always do. I am just finding it difficult to put it to words.

On the contrary, I am also thinking of professional writing. Freelance maybe. Lets see how this works out. I am a little confused, a little excited, a little tired, a little bored and a little, just a little sad.

P.S- I am finally a graduate :)

It takes only a moment

She whined on for reasons many

And He looked at her with eyes heavy.

And as he brought back the smile to her face,

He watched her as though completely dazed.

And in that moment another was hurt

As she saw him with adoring eyes.

But his adoration was reserved for another.

She smiled to herself as she held a tear.

In that moment, she realized, it was two of them

While she was 'the other'.

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She held his glance all that while,
Watched carefully his eyes, so very agile.
He hurt her with those words he said,
But she would not let it show, not a tear shed.
She smiled back as though with meaning
To mask the enormity of it all, that she was feeling.

She knew in that moment he should never know,
Maybe lying to herself, would make it all really go.

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Bombay Begins...

As promised to myself- next post from another city.

One that I will learn to call my city.

So my thoughts?

Excitement, enthusiasm, boredom, happiness, nostalgia...mixed emotions. So mixed, its difficult to document them.

Its good. Its all good here.

Music is the ultimate saviour of the soul. _ so says riddhi kapoor :P

Sala

Riddhi