Being 20 isnt easy. Especially when you belong to a generation victimized by a plethora of romantic stories - books, shows, movies, quotes, they all revolve around "happy endings". Growing up imagining that one fine day they meet 'the one' who shall 'complete' them, this generation gradually transitions from hoping to waiting for that day, for 'the one'.
I am ruthless to such desires of happy endings. I am a known realist. I almost detest romanticism. I am also called too cynical about this issue than needed. (Ah well but is cynicism really ever 'needed'?). But its not like I do not have my own definition of love. I dont believe in love but yes, I do define it. I am told that deep down, I am a hopeless romantic who uses sarcasm as a cover. I thought about that, looked deep down and then deeper down until there was no more deep left and I reached the conclusion that sarcasm was it, i wasnt covering anything. I really do believe that the common perception and definition of 'true love' is just a figment of overactive imagination. It stems from the eternal need for re-assurance. Its roots are inner insecurities that we refuse to come terms with.
The reason I come close to detesting the concept of 'true love' is because its usage today insults the very definition of love , or atleast my definition of love. From my observations, most (not all ) people view true love as that ultimate feeling of bliss which will arise out of the company of 'the one'. It is supposed be that time when you dont have to deal with the excess baggage your life has brought with it, when you dont have to fight the fight alone. The true lover of course has its own brilliant definitions. He/ She is assumed to be one who will understand fully what we stand for, will do wonderful things for us that we want done, will re-assure us, will help us get rid of our inner insecurities and well will lead us to become more sorted individuals.
This is my point of contradiction. I'l tell you what love is ( my definition, I mean). Love is more than that crazy feeling inside yout tummy when you see the person you claim to love, it is much more than giddy emotions and racing hormones, but above all, it is not selfish. If I love you, it has nothing to do with me. It has to do with you. It has to do with the fact that I know you and I understand you. I will stand by you no matter what. I love you but I may not want you and I might know I never will have you but I still love you. I love you because I want to watch you and be with you when you laugh, when you cry, when your hurt and when your not. I love you so I want to be beside you when you sleep, not necessarily want to touch you, but just watch you sleep. If I love you, then my love is devoid of insecurity, jealousy and anger. If I love you, then I will watch you be with the person you love, even when it is not me. I want whats best for you and am willing to accept it may not be me. Because my Love has nothing to do with me. It has to do with you, with who you are and above all who you can be. I know you and I know what you can be. I want to watch you be what you can be, but I want you to achieve it on your own, because that process will add to who you are. It will make me love you even more and it might make you move away from me farther. If I love you, then I will not judge you or hurt you or expect anything out of you because love has nothing to do with me. If I love you does not mean I want to be with you and it does not mean If I am not with you, I will stop loving you. Because I love you for what you are and what you can be.
Love is when you know them, their character, what they are made of, what they are capable and above all, what maybe they do not even know about themseleves. Love is not supporting their wrong decisions but making them realize its consequences on their own. It does not mean holding their hand when they fall, but it means standing there and waiting for them to get up on their own because you know they can and you make them believe they can. Because Love is not about you, its about whom you love. It is selfless, it is secure, pure, content, happy and enough. It is True. When you love them, you will be true to them, but more importantly, you will be true to yourself. It does not mean losing yourself because your love is not about you, its for them.
I love you for you not for what you are to me. I love you not to get rid of my inner insecurities but simply for your whole self. I do not believe 'the one' (If There exists such a thing) "completes" us etc. Individually, only we can solve our problems ourselves. To be happy, to be content, to be secure, we need to battle the contradictions within us ourselves. Needing someone else to help us with ourselves is not loving them, its needing them and sometimes using them and that will lead to nowhere. You love someone for their whole and you cannot complete or do anything about their whole, but you can care about that whole, love it, want to be beside it and want to love it even more.
Love inspires love. It is not a need. It is not about you but about the person you love.
I guess I have made my point. I might add to this later.
The Bhagawad Geeta says that jealousy, anger, envy are all manifestations of our internal insecurities. They seldom have anything to do with the other person.
I couldnt agree more. Why insult love by mixing it with a need to sort out our inner self? Why insult your love by making it about you?
And well before I end...
Does such love really exist though? Does one have the power to love so purely? How would the cynic know so much about love?
Do I have the Power to love like that? Have I ever loved like that?
Your guesses are as good as mine .
~Riddhi~
8th June 2009
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