So love me

In that dream, I seldom talk about,
I knew why I hated you
And I never was shy to shout it out

In that memory of a long time ago
I knew I was weak,
Too weak to let go.

But every time I try to live today,
I think of how much you can be hated
And how you can be loved so.

You're everything I hate
And you're everything I'm afraid to love
So I'll walk out on you, again
Because I'm too scared to stay

The greener grass was never mine
And the skies, they frown at me; all the bloody time
But the stars, they remind me of you
And how I wanted to see you shine.

So let's prolong this mockery
let's deny this pretence
Let's remain on the opposite sides of the fence
Let me walk away, love
Because it's the only thing I've ever known. 

~

The night in those light bulbs,
The noise of the dark,
Tequila shots
That pierced the heart

The music around
couldn't drown out his laugh
So she danced and she cried
And she cried and she danced

~

Et Two

Two of them,
and an awkward silence
Noises in the head
How the truth the bled.

Two of them,
catching their breath
Afraid of the reality
that lay ahead.

Two of them,
staring into space
remembering the lie,
the tight embrace.

Two of them,
lined up in thought
waiting for the other
to talk.

Two of them,
denying what was
dreading what will be
stuck in what is.

Two of them,
in limbo
One shied away
The other lost.

~

Someday, mad enough

With a little bit of courage
And an innocence sublime,
We can make it here, someday
We can dream all the time.

The hope we killed, ourselves.
The sleepless nights
The mind that worries itself silly,
Burning the midnight oil.

A generation spoilt for choice
Hunting madness, madness divine.
The anxious mind, the nervous heart,
Biting nails, afraid to start.

Someday, soon enough,
Someday, mad enough,
One day, someday won't matter
The question is- are you mad enough?

~

Diary entries I discovered #2

Little lies of yesterday,
A white sheet,
Plain, bare.
Purity in the thoughts on spree
A life lost in being free

Come with me and share my lies,
Ill pinch you just a little bit,
You'll scream, just right.

Diagonal Dreams
Backed by a sorry promise
Come with me
And see the storm
Ill help you lose yourself
In shadows long.

A dance on fire
Truth's eternal satire
Come with me
Into a space hollow
Ill push you deep inside
But never follow.
**********

My own life
I always thought
Had so little to say
But when the lights are off
And the mind restless,
Sleep evades me till the day.

********

I shut my eyes
Really tight
To squeeze out
That last tear
For you.
Turns out that now,
I cry with my eyes wide open.
*******

Remember the time
I smiled with a straight face?
Your eyes looked at me
With a question,
which you then forgot.

Sphinx

They twirled around in a straight line
Gathering moss, losing their mind.
Beads of sweat on a lonely conscience
A nervous laugh
And an empty shrine.

The lovers who lied
The clowns who cried
The mountain top devoid of a song
Half forgotten lyrics,
Worth more than a dime?

An imagination coy,
An epiphany, too many?
Give them wings
They'll make you fly
Far enough, but away?

The lovers lied
The clowns cried
The dark sunlight
Half remembered lyrics
The ego blind.

Remember the time?
The timeless? Not really.
Straight lines
Tangential memories
The joy of missing the point, completely.

They were no lovers
Just liars, guilt free
But the clowns?
Oh they cried,
So hard, you could see them laugh.
Laugh, all along.

~

Frenzied

Haphazardly, one day,
We'll learn to cope 
With the crazy frenzy 
That's become us
That's always been me. 


We'll chase each other
In concentric circles
And find peace
Pausing only
To breathe. 


Vaguely in poetry
We'll hold each other tight
And blow the whistle 
On all the nightmares
We tried for long
To push aside. 

Untitled 4

Do you know her so well,
Only,
to tear her apart
and devour her pieces?

Do you tell her you love her
Only,
to break her heart
and see her so needy?

Do lie beside her
Only,
to hear her cry
as you pretend to sleep?

~

At least we wrote a poem

We never did fit that frame perfect,
We never did laugh together, alike
We couldn't even see eye to eye


But as we cursed and swore
And bled dry,
We wrote a poem
You and I 


~

A little Crush

After what seems like ages,
I blushed
And as I lowered my eyes,
I could sense myself go flippity floppity 
Flip Flop 


Because through the silly giggle,
And the loud loud laughter,
I know you're jokes aren't funny
But this is such a happy bubble 

~

Exhaustion

A life we love and how
The love we hate and how
Lack of balance,
Mind numbing patience 
We wait, we wait
And our hearts sink oh-so-low


In a green green field 
From our deepest dream,
We break into a song
A solitary rhyme on a mountain top
Simplified to the last drop. 


But the mind's a rueful mess just now
And the dreams are grey and black
A tired sigh that's oh-so-loud
Too fatigued even to pray. 


Come fill me in with love alike
And the starlit sky from your sleep
Just sit beside me in the rain
The cliche lullaby, we'll sing. 

~

Diary Entries I discovered

Hanging in the air,
Clogging every cloud of thought
Lies a conversation incomplete
Eyes set ablaze with wrath
Look closer, its just love discreet
A fine smile and civil nods
Come closer and feel my beat
Its too cold where I stand
Its too pale for me
******

I spy
On you tearing up
Every sheet of faith
I ever had
One honest word at a time

I spy
On me crying
Into the pillow,
Softly
One memory at a time

Let me tell you a secret you already know
You and me
We're not meant to be

Let me tell you a secret you must never know
I wanted to go that extra mile
I just wanted to see you smile.
*****

A broken teapot
Smiling from its ruins
Black tea across the marble floor
And a shadow hiding

Live a little today, they tell us
Let's live our whole lives today indeed
We'll remove the stains tomorrow
And gather the ruins, maybe.

Through all the ugly curses,
Through all the second glances,
I forgot to let you know
Just how happy you make me

Let's live our whole lives in just today
Today, when its just you and me.
******

Crinkly white sheets
Crisp cotton and us underneath
While you slept, your eyes shut
I dreamt the whole time
My eyes wide open,
Staring at you

Our bodies lay so close
But my mind was far away
In a time long ago
When I still made you laugh

And slowly as I kissed your eyes,
I knew this was ending
This- that had never begun at all.

Debris of dreams

We hope for a better life,
You and I
It's a silent prayer for the future
This, life- yours and mine.

We chase our dreams
And weave new ones
Because it's too boring to stick to the old ones
In chasing and dreaming and living lies,
Confrontation makes us shy.

Slowly, the pinpricks of the past will fade away
Slowly, the childhood dreams will set us free
Until that happens, we continue to cry,
You and I
Over the debris of dreams that we see.

We need a steady hand to hold,
A thousand promises to unfold
We make excuses to ourselves,
You and I
Because in cowardice we find bliss

Lost and found
Black and brown
Whispers and prayers
We're thieves,
You and I
We stole our souls
Stealthily, Craftily.

And for as long as we can tolerate the stink,
In this wreckage, we'll just continue to be.

~

There is something about the eyes shut...

... that the eyes open will never understand.
~

The rather loud mime

So many secrets lost in time,
Burdened with an eagerness to please
Shallow rivers and stony skies
Walk with me at perfect ease.

I'd never call a spade a spade
Because I'd rather it's a tree.
Withered, shy and dark
Hollow, so to speak?

I'd love to cry for you someday,
The day, you'll let me be.
You'd let me go,
a long time ago
But you'd never just let me be.

Recklessness can't be the truth,
It's honesty in such bad taste.
But don't sugarcoat for me,
Your mockery is a perfect waste.

I've won that game
And lost it too.
I know them tricks,
Old and new.

So gather all your secrets
From different zones of time
Give me them on a platter,
So I can pick on each one at a time.

~

A canopy of lies

A canopy of lies
Still wouldn't suffice
The truth remains altered
You remain shy.

Truth is that
which we all seek
truth is that
which is but a compromise.

I'd like to use my magic wand,
Magic too is but, a canopy of lies.
The secret weapon
of disgust and disguise.

Put on a brave face
and face the truth.
Or you could lay low
And accept falsehood as true.

I am no different from you,
I too use the truth to abuse.
I too will use who I want to be
As a valid excuse for who I am.

This canopy of lies
That inspires such drama
Is what we're equipped to face
While the truth suffers a silent insomnia

We'll never break free
Until we know what binds us
We'll never know what binds us
For as long we're still blind.

~

Why.

A fine smile
Cold shivers inside
and a laugh
at the right time.

Amuse,
surprise,
Inspire

And then on second glance,
The smile was crooked,
the eyes cold
but there was a laugh,
a laugh that mocked.

~

aside, afar

Let me write you a verse today,
A verse imperfect
Call it absurd, you may. 


A verse free flowing,
Of rivers shallow
The used palette
Of the amateur artist. 


The verse of beauty, 
That they'd never feel
of painful laughter
That they ignore but see. 


Let me write you a verse 
That's real 
It's black and it's grey
And it's all the in-betweens. 


Would you listen, though
To the poets of reason?
That alter without caution
Your careless imagination. 


I'll write you a verse
Like never before
But it's not special
The music's faded, sore. 


It's a verse of beauty
A lyric sublime
A song, a subtlety 
A verse, that's not mine.

~

Black & White Prisons

A mind 
whose thoughts flow
Free is the spirit
that angers slow.


A hundred pieces
maybe better than a whole
to the mind that needs not
liberation anymore.


Free flowing
Seas of thought
seldom showing
the storm they brought. 


Like a flickering match
in the windy skies
Still free in spirit
and in the mind.


We imprison our thoughts
cage the spirit
and then stare dreamily
at the painful blue sky. 


Then, one man rises
Ever so suddenly,
screams to the world
Uninterruptedly 


And we applaud in awe
at how he's liberated
Still folding our arms, 
against our chest. 


We're the cause of the cowardice
we mock
we're all the malice
that eats us alive. 


We're the only reason we fall
We're the ones who laud
him who does rise. 

~

Whistle my tune

Whirlwind like,
The souls alike
Touch and go
Let the laughter flow

In the heart
Of the corner of the heart
She whistled a tune
unheard of;
She cried secretly
When he sang to that tune
As if it were his own.

The madness will end
It always did
Endings just as sudden
As the beginnings are
But maybe till then,
she could let go?

For this moment in space,
she'd forget to wonder
For the sake of a moment,
She'll whistle along
Quietly,
Fearfully
But she'll whistle along.

They whistled all night
To that tune unheard of,
But they'd hear it again
In a place somewhere else,
At a time long forgotten
Some where far away
At a time, when they'll choose
to stay.

~